I had not only never watched a Superbowl, I had never seen any football game – ever. AFL, CFL, college ball – nothing. (I have
seen the movie "Rudy", but that doesn't count. It's an adorable coming-of-age,
live-your-dream picture, but as far as I know, Sean Astin signed no endorsement
deals afterwards.) This presented a bit
of a problem – I knew zero about football.
I realized in advance that having absolutely no idea what was going on
might affect my enjoyment of the game.
What to do?...
The office where I work contains some outstanding people. Luckily for me, it contains a football
expert, in the form of my buddy next door.
I enlisted her help to enroll in "Football for Dummies", a
week-long, daily, 20-minute course on the basics of the game, followed by a
quiz just to make sure I was listening, despite my eyes glazing over upon hearing
terms like 'wide-receiver', '2-point conversion' and 'incomplete pass'. (My buddy also bakes and knits, but those are
advanced courses.)
Sunday arrived, and I assumed I was ready. Just to be sure, I did something else I'd
never done – I cooked chicken wings.
Isn't that what you're supposed to eat during the Superbowl? I read somewhere that America consumes
approximately 3 billion chicken wings on Superbowl Sunday. That's just over 9 wings for every man, woman
and child in the USA. Maybe the
President should do like he does at Thanksgiving – before every Superbowl,
pardon a chicken!
The game started at 6:30pm EST (pre-game show starting around 6:30am). It is separated into quarters –
four units of play at 15 minutes each.
So the game should take roughly an hour to watch, right? Not quite. Here's the breakdown: 1) about 45
minutes of actual play, 2) about 15 minutes of watching players, coaches and
referees wandering around the field, 3) 30 minutes of half-time break, 4) 2½ hours
of commercials. Finally around 10:30pm, we see one bunch of guys jumping up and down pouring
Gatorade on each other, and another bunch sitting on a bench crying.
I'll say this about football – or at least, the Superbowl. It's not boring. You never have to watch the game long enough
to get bored. Because there's a
commercial every 3 minutes. And it's all
very colourful - lots of blue and orange and green, Lady Gaga in a red tuxedo. And lots and lots of penalties, particularly
for 'unsportsmanlike conduct'. I don't
know why this would be unexpected. Look
at the way they're dressed – helmets, mouth-guards, padding, cleats. They did not come here to display a
gentlemanly countenance – they came to crush skulls and insult the other guys'
mothers.
My football education helped somewhat. I did remember that the team in possession
gets 4 chances to advance 10 yards. That's
really not very far, but I understand now that it's much tougher than it
sounded. Mostly because every time some
guy got the ball, 8 other guys jumped on top of him. Then a whistle blows, and play stops while somebody
checks to see whether the quarterback/running-back/whoever is still breathing. Either he gets up, or they bring a gurney
out. This happens again and again and
again, until half-time/game over.
Basically, the ball goes this way, then it goes that way. Kind of like tennis. Except way, way, way, way more
complicated. Plus there's the half-time
show. After a miraculously quick set-up
of a stage in the middle of the field (that crew should be somewhere building
new subway lines – they are FAST!), out
comes Cold Play, Beyonce, and some guy with dark hair and sunglasses whose name
I can't remember, along with lots of dancers.
Normally I hit the mute button when exposed to...I'll just politely
refer to it as 'today's popular music'.
But I decided, in for a penny in, for a pound. I've got Advil upstairs; I might as well
listen. The stadium crowd seemed to
enjoy it very much. It was all part of
the Superbowl extravaganza experience, so I will go so far as to rate it, 'meh'.
Anyhoo – congratulations to the Broncos. If this was indeed Peyton Manning's final game
before retirement, I'm glad I got to see it.
And commiserations to the Panthers – there's always next year. Unless at some point during the regular
season, you suffer a serious, possibly career-ending, injury. But I hope not. That would be unsportsmanlike.
The BFF came over to watch the game with me. She says she's going to force me to watch the
next Grey Cup. Apparently, on our side
of the border, they only get 3 chances to make 10 yards. That should make the game shorter,
right? RIGHT? When is it? November?
And it's probably going to be hosted here in Toronto? Oh, geez...I'm going to be out of town.
One Thing That >50 Me Has Learned Along the Way...
And while we're on
the subject of cars (see last posting)...If you really must have a car in the driveway full-time, think carefully about
whether to purchase or lease. I use to
think that leasing was always a bad idea unless you were able to claim your car
as a business expense. That it was like
renting for five years, and then you simply give the car back – they have your money, and you have no wheels. But there are other particular situations
where leasing could make sense. If
you're going to put almost no mileage on your car, driving mostly only on
weekends and with very little distance driving, at least consider leasing. Expensive
repairs will come up, the longer you
own the car, and more of them – low mileage notwithstanding. If you hardly ever drive the thing, think
about leasing the cheapest acceptable vehicle, and letting any unexpected,
costly repairs be the dealership's problem.
If you lease a new car for 5 years, chances are pretty good that basic
maintenance is all you'll have to pay.
But if you own, along with basic maintenance, there will a come a day
when something big, like maybe your rear deferential, goes – that's thousands
out of your pocket. You may realize
after 10 or 12 years, with all the money you've spent on major repairs, it
actually would have been cheaper to lease.
If you do decide to go the leasing route, obviously don't take the
buy-out option. The whole point is to
unload a potential money pit before it becomes one. Another obvious point is that you must have a
10-star rating on your auto insurance.
If you're going to drive a brand new vehicle every 5 years, you won't be
able to count on your insurance decreasing every year after the 5th
year, as the car ages. A squeaky clean
driving record and persistence in shopping for the best rate will go a long
way.
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