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Tchaikovsky lived from 1840 to 1893.  I'm no historian, but I don't think they had LSD back then.  And I can't explain how someone could hallucinate this fantasy without some serious acid-dropping.






This was my first visit to this particular venue, and also my first time attending the ballet.

Sorry – no pictures for this first-time experience.  The lady handing out programs at the door kept repeating, "No food or drink; no photography", to every single person.  Presumably the dancers could be distracted by 2,000 flash bulbs going off in their faces.

But I can show you the facility.   I was up in Ring 5.  Not recommended for people afraid of heights or prone to nosebleeds – it's about 60 feet off the floor.  I could still see the stage quite well though, from Row A.


As I settled into my seat, and reminisced on my childhood after-school ballet classes, I prepared to be bored out of my skull for the next 2 hours.


The story begins with a Russian hoedown.  Sometime in the 1800's, a family hosts a Christmas Eve party out in their barn, after the stable boy, Peter, has chased out all the rats.  The party is well-attended - demonstrating that your average 1800's Russian probably would have killed for Netflix.

Suddenly the family's Uncle Nikolai shows up. (There really is one in every family...) He performs magic and hands out presents to all the children.  He's got a dancing horse and a roller-skating bear.  I guess we understand now why no one was allowed in the house.

Nikolai gives one of the kids, Marie, a nutcracker doll.  She and her brother, Misha, start fighting over it, until Dad takes it away and sends them off to bed.

This is where things start to get really weird.  A bunch of giant, dancing mice show up in the children's bedroom.  Their Christmas tree grows to huge proportions.  Nikolai secretly returns the nutcracker doll to Marie, and he comes to life.  Coincidentally, the Nutcracker looks very much like Peter, the rather hot stable boy.  He dances around wearing his very smart soldier's blazer, and a pair of tights that make him appear bare-bummed, while the audience behaves like this is not giggle-worthy.  (Or is that just me?)

Suddenly there's a war going on between the mice and regiments of dogs and cats and other toys that have come to life, with Misha and Marie helping the mice to victory.  When the war ends, one of the beds sails off with the kids and the Nutcracker.  They meet the Snow Queen, who gives the kids a beautiful ice boat pulled by unicorns.  (I swear I'm not making any of this up.)  They arrive in the land of the Sugar Plum Fairy and her various minions, who insist on hearing all about the children's adventures, which must have been thrilling because then they all fall asleep.  Then there's a banquet with a lot of dancing food.  Marie and Misha finally get seated at a dinner table, where they start a food fight.  At some point during all this nonsense, the Nutcracker falls in love with the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Marie and Misha wake up in their own bedroom.  Gluttons for punishment,  they fall asleep again.  But luckily the only thing that happens this time is a farewell to the Nutcracker and the Sugar Plum Fairy.  Not being ones for long engagements, they head off together.

 

 

I assure you that at no point during the performance was I bored.  I was far too busy trying to figure out what the hell was going on.  I didn't understand any of it.  But who cares?  The scenery, costumes, music and dancing were all stunning.  I was enthralled.

I highly recommend going to see "The Nutcracker".  And if you feel like smoking a little something before going in, it just might help...

One Thing That >50 Me Has Learned Along the Way...
 
Before you buy an article of clothing, always read the label.  Does it have to be hand-washed to stay looking good?  I personally don't buy anything that can't go in the washing machine, or stay acceptably clean with maximum quarterly trips to the dry cleaners.  If I had some kind of paid household assistance, that would be different.  But since it's just me, I'm not spending precious time ringing stuff out at the kitchen sink.  And then "lay flat to dry."  Where am I supposed to do that?  On the stove, the floor, the kitchen table?  None of those places are practical.  And while you're reading that label, consider its country of origin.  If the hands that made it earned 50 cents for doing so, in a rickety firetrap, yet the price tag is $189.99, leave it in the store.  Designer brand corporations will not get the message that their behaviour is unethical and immoral if we keep rewarding them.