Let's admit it. Haven't
we all been at the grocery store sometime, and seen an infant perched in a
shopping cart that reminded us we hadn't been down the pet food aisle yet?
I read somewhere that all babies are born adorably cute so that their
parents will instinctively love them and nurture them to adulthood, instead of just
leaving them in a box at a mall. It's
just part of the human evolutionary process to keep us reproducing successfully
so we don't go extinct.
Well, once again, the theory of evolution takes a hit. Because not all babies are cute - sorry, but
they're not. All a parent can do is
hope that the baby's eyes uncross and its body catches up to its bowling ball
head. Either that, or pray the kid grows
up to be a genius, as a trade-off.
Luckily, the new baby in my life is beautiful (not just when
she's sleeping!), and perfectly proportioned. Of
course, I'm a little biased – I'm a new aunt, since Baby Girl finally put in an
appearance in May. The best part is that
I got chosen to be part of her family, rather than being forced on her by blood
relations. Honourary relatives know
they're wanted because they're hand-picked.
Babies are not great conversationalists, but they do make
lots of weird noises, which you can entertain yourself for hours trying to
interpret. Any they have no qualms
whatsoever regarding screaming, belching, farting and sleeping in public. Parents everywhere (except those who have
appeared on, or have ever watched, the Jerry Springer Show) must pray every day
that their child outgrows these tendencies at some point.
Other firsts come with the territory of being a new aunt. Furniture shopping, for one thing. I'm just lucky this thing fit in the back of
my car. Which is information I have stored
for future reference. Because now I want
one of these things. It's a glider. It makes a rocking chair seem like a medieval torture
device by comparison. All moving parts are
above floor level. Baby Girl's household
contains 3 cats and 1 dog, complete with tails - all 4 sent lovely notes of
gratitude to me and my co-auntie.
Next was the crib. Thank
you, IKEA! (Swedish for 'delivery is $99 extra' – totally worth it though). New Dad is to be congratulated for putting it together without cursing even once.
And definitely not to be forgotten - baby clothing. Unlike all babies, all baby clothes are
cute. You can get hooked on buying cute, little
baby clothes faster than crack. Shopping
for this stuff requires reading tags. For
newborns, avoid anything with a label that says 0-3 months. A baby will outgrow that size within moments
of its birth. Go straight to 6-9 months. And limit your visits to Baby Gap,
unless you've just won the lottery. The
cuteness factor is just too much to resist.
Think garage sales.
I'm really looking forward to watching Baby Girl grow up. Especially as she approaches the age where she realizes her parents are mortal creatures who impose rules, dispense punishment and cause embarrassment with their terminal lack of coolness. That's when she'll come running to Auntie Gillian who, by contrast, will seem far more tolerable.
I recently spent an afternoon with my new niece alternately
sleeping and bottle-feeding in my lap.
We enjoyed some wonderful bonding time.
And yes - she peed on me.
One Thing That >50 Me Has Learned Along the Way...
Speaking of feeding - a person's taste in food can change radically over the years - I
know mine has. So we should not shy away
from trying something that we've avoided like the plague since forever. As an adult, we may eat things we never touched as kids. (But not Brussels
sprouts. If you hate them as a child, you
will always hate them.)
